Leeteuk: Hey are you okay? I thought I heard you crying.
Heechul: I’m okay, I’m just in a fight with my cat.
Leeteuk: Your cat? Did he scratch you?
Heechul: No, it didn’t get physical. I just feel like he’s ignoring me and he knows I can’t handle that and he’s acting like he doesn’t care at all.
leeteuk: *muttering something under his breath*
shindong: are you talking to yourself hyung?
leeteuk: it’s the only way I can have an intelligent conversation in this house
leeteuk: so you’re driving and you see hyukjae and henry in the road, what should you hit first?
yesung: hyukjae without a doubt
heechul: definitely henry
kyuhyun: both of them
leeteuk: … the brakes
leeteuk: would you shoot your best friend in the leg for ten million dollars?
hyukjae, to donghae: dude shoot me, then when my leg heals we can buy a huge ass house and range rovers
donghae: hey you can shoot me too and then we’ll have twenty million dollars
hyukjae: good thinking. Fuck the system
leeteuk: what did I tell you about comparing Kyuhyun to the devil?
henry: that it’s offensive to the devil
leeteuk, sighing: try again
Sungmin: So, how was your guys’ Friday nights?
Siwon: I met Jesus in the bathroom at Subway.
Heechul: I might’ve failed my math test but the stray cats in Chinatown accepted me as their leader so I got that going.
Kyuhyun: I drank too much cactus juice and fell asleep in the bathtub.
Hyukjae: I made a diorama of Hogwarts out of LEGOs, but I accidentally destroyed it while I was practicing capoeira.
Leeteuk: I nearly threw hands with some soccer moms in the Chuck E. Cheese parking lot.
Sungmin: I stayed in and watched Kung Fu Panda.
leeteuk: hey, you wanna hear something dirty? 😉
heechul: … 😉 yes
leeteuk: your fucking room
leeteuk: go clean it
Leeteuk: If you had two bullets, and you were in a room with Hyukjae, Siwon, and Heechul, what——
Kyuhyun: Shoot Henry twice
Henry: I WASN’T EVEN AN OPTION WHAT THE FUCK
heechul: how old were you when you found out Santa wasn’t real?
donghae, whispering to leeteuk: how old am I?
leeteuk: you’re 32, Donghae.
donghae: I was 32 🙁
yesung: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?
henry: in between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a clothing hanger.” How about you, hyung?
siwon: “Road work ahead.”
leeteuk: I speak many languages, and this is none of them